Bringing up a happy child

Baby Tips, Growth & Development Add comments

ya_120107_b.jpgA child comes to the world without past, any installations of behavior, criteria of self-estimation. He has to be guided by experience of surrounding people, responses they give him. During first five-six years a kid forms representation about himself basing exclusively on the basis of information he receives from parents. Then he starts attending school, playing in the yard independently, other factors affect him already, however, a family role remains very important.

Mother’s “messages”
A newborn is a perfection, a centre of the Universe. His life is initially harmonious. He asks what wants and that is really necessary for him. He expresses emotions freely. When a kid is upset, everyone knows about it. When he is happy, his smile shines the world. He is full of love and cannot stand its absence. He learns about himself basically from his mother’s reaction. Her each word, mimicry, gesture, voice timbre and loudness, touch and action send him messages about his self-value. Time passes, and, alas, majority of us ceases paying attention to the sense our parent “messages” contain for the child.

A four-year old boy presents his mum a bouquet of camomiles. She takes flowers with words: “Where you took them ?”. Her light smile, enthusiastic intonation speak: “What remarkable flowers you brought for me! Where such charming camomiles grow?” Such reaction raises child’s self-estimation. But the situation can develop differently. Mum will tell: “Thanks”, - and then will add: “Maybe you brought this camomile from the next house’s garden?” A boy will understand that he is considered capable of making some bad act. Naturally, such statements will hardly promote to formation of child’s high self-estimation.

If this boy is left alone in a room, after he is explained what he is obliged to do, and then a mother will appear and abuse him, shout at him that he even cannot play independently, a scared kid sit silently in a corner after such “dialogue” with mother, or sob inconsolably. He has only these two variants of behaviour. You never learn, what this little man actually is capable of.

If you show a boy what he should do and say that you like the way he builds a fortress, that he is a sharp kid, but there’s a mistake here, nothing terrible, everything is reparable, that you are ready to help him, - you even cannot imagine such child’s potential possibilities at all!

Every kid should feel himself as the most expensive one to mum and daddy, the most necessary to them and the best one. For this purpose parents should express their love for a kid in every possible way.

Surrounding people often estimate a child inconsistently, his acts, features of character and nature properties. Gradually a portrait “original” starts believing in appears from a set of sometimes opposite characteristics. It is clear that the optimum variant is an objective child’s self-estimation.

“Chronic” indifference to a child or rigid criticism of his acts promote him growing into a person, feeling useless, helpless or constantly waiting for punishment. Such child’s internal potential remains not opened. Risk of destructive behaviour in relation to himself or surrounding people is high in him. If a child with low self-estimation achieves something, he does not regard it as success and continues being tormented with doubts. One small miss is enought for him to cross out all previous successes. He is often angry or even embittered. A child starts perceiving himself and whole world negatively. “I am bad. I cannot do anything right. I am always guilty…” - here some of his daily thoughts. And such chain of reasoning can create a destiny consisting only of disappointments.

Necessary praise measure
Everyone knows that praise is an excellent mean to induce a child to laudable actions.

Imagine a girl sitting at the table and drawing a fantastic princess with enthusiasm. She asks a mum, who is engaged on a kitchen, to estimate her work. The first variant: a woman starts praising her daughter enthusiastically yet without having looked at the drawing: “it is wonderful! You are a true artist!” The second variant: a mum approaches to a child reluctantly and speaks with irritation: “Well, what you have painted here? What a horror!” The third variant: a mum sits down near a girl and examines drawing attentively: “I like your princess very much! Perhaps, shoes should be painted more brightly? Let’s make her hair little longer”.

Some parents inspire a child that he always does everything well and correctly. They admire his mediocre abilities enthusiastically, brag of it at his presence to acquaintances, without deliberating, accept his side, if he quarrells with someone. Adults do not aspire their child to achieve successes in life. They behave as if he has already reached them. Such child grows spoilt, with hightened self-esteem.

An extremely opposite, but in the same measure negative position of parents is shown in their neurotic and hysterical relation to a child. As a result of such relation, he gets used to consider he cannot do anything well, therefore he does not deserve other’s people appreciation.

A small person can feel and understand, whether he is loved, whether people are glad to and respect him. However, it is not enough to say a child he is adored, he will not have positive self-estimation due to it. A feeling of his own importance should be necessarily based on tangible results in concrete affairs. It is necessary for a child to feel he is a good, necessary, decent, fair person. To support him in this sensation, you need to acquaint him with system of universal values, ethical rules, skills and abilities, which he could put successfully into practice. Reasonably and tactfully parents should let to him know and feel that he can influence his life and achieve success.

Basis of life success

Who does not want his child to be happy?! And the happiness in many respects depends on how a person “was programmed” in the early childhood. The basis of successful life scenario is a child’s true self-estimation, the major regulator of his further behaviour and relations with people. Self-estimation, as respect for yourself, your personality, is far from self-conceit and complacency. Of all words with an initial element “self-”, self-estimation is the closest word to self-esteem.

As a rule, a person with overestimated self-estimation cannot get on with associates, does not cause sympathy in them, becomes closed and lonely. Few people have desire to get contacts and be on friendly terms with him. Probably, he is unduly self-confident, has unreasonable requirements to people, emotional responsiveness is not developed in him. Dialogue with such person cannot bring satisfactions and pleasures to anybody. And usually such too self-satisfied person, not capable to establish kind and equal relations even with the closest people, becomes unhappy.

To the same degree a person with low self-estimation can become unhappy and lonely. All his sufferings, problems, and sometimes ruined life is a result of absence of necessary self-esteem. He could not realise or change relation to himself in time, and parents did not help him estimating himself and his merits truly and find a worthy place among people.

A happy person is the one who manages to estimate objectively his merits and demerits, achievements and misses, analyze them and find a way for self-improvement since childhood. He lives in the full consent with his “Ego” what does not prevent him from co-operation with associates. He overcomes troubles easier, because he is self-assured enough and can always count on someone’s help, which he accepts with gratitude.

Fortunately for all of us, it is never late for a small person overestimating himself and getting objectively high self-estimation. Parents possess boundless love, power and possibilities to help him with it. They are obliged to promote social development of their child’s “Ego” to the maximum. They are responsible of “enclosing” sensation of self-value and feeling of self-esteem in their child.

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