If you decided to adopt a baby

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Meaning of childhood`s importance for whole further life is well-known, and we all know that any child needs a family, loving and caring parents, home coziness for full-value development


Meaning of
childhood`s importance for whole further life is well-known, and we all know
that any child needs a family, loving and caring parents, home coziness for
full-value development. In some countries, for example, in Sweden, there`re no
children’s
homes
. Every one of us can help unparented children already now. This help can
be of any sort, not necessarily material (cloth, toys, books, walks with
babies, organization of excursions, concerts and holidays), you just need to
phone children`s home and learn about their problems and needs.
 
Why do
people adopt children?
 
There`re 2
main reasons for this act
.
 
First - is
when a woman cannot give birth to her own baby. But she has a strong wish to
become a mother, understand everything about maternity, present her warmth and
caress to a tiny creature, start a full-value family, realize herself
completely according to a natural program, i.e. rear a child. And so question
of adoption arises, and a woman is its initiator in most cases. If a woman is
married, and there`s mutual understanding in a family, then husband supports
his wife completely, understands her feelings and necessity of appearance of a
baby in a family and they share all further troubles and joys, connected with
appearance of a baby, together.
 
But it often happens that lonely women decide
to adopt a child without man`s support, it is allowed legally. In both cases in
general they usually adopt newborns. Most often people introduce babies as
their own ones. For this women resort to various tricks: imitate pregnancy, go
to other city for some time, invent various stories about baby birth and etc.
Only few close friends are let into mystery of adoption.
 
Secondreason of adoption - is a wish to help a child, who turned to be deprived of
family. Of all motives, leading to adoption, which are quite numerous (this can
be death of a dear child, escape from loneliness, wish to be as everybody
around), this motive - helping a child - is the rarest one and, according to
many experts` opinion, the best for further development of a child. Children of
different ages are adopted according to this motive, from infant to teen age,
people adopt even children with various diagnoses.
 
When you
adopt an infant, then his developmental delay is still insignificant.
If it is a baby in the age from 0 to 1-1,5 months, then developmental delay is off the
question, and you`re rearing a baby, like any mother of a newborn. In this
case, like with adoption of older children, you should ask about the way
biological mother`s pregnancy passed, details about delivery, quantity of
deliveries, biological parents` age and their state of health. This information
will help you to understand a baby`s behavior and emotional state, and will be
also necessary for a children`s doctor and psychologist, if you need their
consultations. Unfortunately, it may happen, that you won`t be able to receive
this information.
 
If you
adopt a baby under 6 months, then developmental delay is most often
displayed through absence or lack of “animation complex”. “Animation complex”
is observed in family children under following displays: a baby freezes while
seeing his mother, concentrates on her face and voice, starts tapping legs and
paddling about, smiles, coos, looks in eyes. If all these signs are marked in
family children by 3 months already, then a baby from a children`s home may not
have them up to 6 months. But don`t be sad, while correct communication with a
baby, he will quickly catch up with his coevals. Surround a baby with attention
and tenderness, talk to him all the time, not only when he`s awake, but also
while feeding, bathing and swaddling.
A baby
rolls his head over a pillow (lulls himself), hit his head against a crib`s
side, moves his arms, sucks his thumb, moves from side to side. This happens
because a baby was restricted in movements, nobody nursed him, he was deprived
of care and warmth of human arms.
 
A baby
plays the way he is told, he almost has no willed displays and initiative
readiness.
 
A baby
does not separate favorite and unloved food. When he is given unloved food, he
opens his mouth gladly, waits a long before swallowing it and no matter how insipid
it may be, he still opens his mouth and only in the end cries with pain.
Children, reared in children`s home since birth, eat well and have big weight.
Some of them overeat. Educators comment this saying that this way they satisfy
their hunger in maternal love.
 
If a
family baby can distinguish close and strange people clearly being 6 months old
already, treats them differently, and being 8-9 months old a stranger can cause
negative emotions or fear, then a baby from a children`s home shows indifferent
attitude towards other people. Any nurse can feed a baby, hold him, she will
meet no resistance. A child is smiling to everyone, although he still doesn`t
look in eyes, strives to be hugged by anyone, at the same time feeling no
interest to this person and cannot collaborate with him.
 
A baby has
a marked passivity. While undressing and dressing you can leave a well moving
baby on a swaddling table, as he won`t even move. If a baby can already stand
or walk, then you can easily dress him in cloth of any color and style without
any help and resistance, the same thing happens with undressing.
 
Caress and
hug a baby more often, communicate with a baby in a position “under breast”,
when his look is directed on your face. Don`t be afraid to spoil a baby, the
more psychical and emotional contact you give him, the better. Attract his
attention with bright, shining toys, situating at a comfortable distance from
a
baby or placed above his crib. Human face is very interesting for a baby, so,
buy him dolls, clowns, and cork-tumblers. Psychologists advise to draw a kind,
laughing face on a cardboard and hang it above a crib at a distance of 40-50
cm. Develop baby`s initiative, fill his life with new impressions, be tender
and responsive you soon you will see a result - your darling`s happy smile!
 
If you
adopt a child over 6 months, then most often this is a child with diagnosis psychoverbal developmental
delay on preverbal stage. Don`t be afraid of this diagnosis, an unparented baby
spends almost all his time in a crib. Such baby`s living space consists of 2-3
rooms, he may be unaware about street up to 1 year. Since 7 months a baby feels
acute necessity in affection for a certain person, during this period lack of
maternal love is displayed most negatively. A child`s nature is arranged the
way that he needs one only person to communicate and love him, not several
ones, may be most careful and tender educators, changing constantly or paying
little attention to him because of their busy work.
 
Except obvious signs of
delay in physical development, such as, when a baby cannot sit being 6-8 months
old, doesn`t walk and talk being 1 year old, there`re also other signs,
distinguishing an unparented child from a child, growing in a family. Here we
would like to accentuate that below you can see general characteristics of
babies from a children`s home, and its peculiarities are not necessary for all
children, as any child`s personality is unique and way of development is
individual for each baby.
 
But,
regardless of this joyless picture, a baby, coming to a family, repairs an
omission very quickly, gets rid of his acquirements, catches up with family
children in his development. Sometimes it may happen that he even outstrips his
coevals in something, and then his development passed in accordance with age
norm.
 
As a 6
month old and upwards baby from a children`s home is often backward his coevals on emotional communication stage, then you should
firstly communicate with him,
as with younger one. But little by little you should proceed to a new level of
communication. Teach him with toys: drive a car, put a doll to bed, assemble a
pyramid,
play with bricks, compress rubber toys, play with a ball, open and cover
dishes. Exercise and massage a baby, not necessarily professionally, develop
his fingers. As soon as a baby appears in your house, take a picture of him,
show him photo album, bring him to the mirror frequently. Show him pictures,
read and tell fairy tales. Accustom him to the world of poetry, read him not
only children`s poems, but also classical ones.
 
Sing songs to a baby, pay a
special attention to folk songs and lullabies. Listen to music together, it
should be calm, merry and light. A baby will surely like sonatas by Haydn,
Mozart, Handel, Scarlatti, and also works of Beethoven (especially 5th
symphony), Vivald (violin concert), Corelli and Marcello.
Dance with a baby. Teach him making friends with other children. Compliment
your baby more often, share his feelings and never compare him with other
children, he will catch up with them quickly.
 
When you adopt an infant, then you receive a big advantage - you start
formation of a baby`s personality almost from point zero. A baby`s character
and intellect depend completely on your upbringing. Don`t pay much attention to
a baby`s appearance, this is not the main thing in a human, try to see
something bigger and main in him. Moreover, experience of infant adoption shows
that with age they start looking like their new parents.
 
But infant adoption
has one significant minus - you don`t know which diseases and defects of
development can be displayed later. So you need to ask yourself frankly: if
this happens, will still you treat a baby like your own one? Won`t you bring
him back to a children`s home, like a rejected toy? If you are not ready to
answer these questions, then it`s better not to start adoption process. Don`t
betray a baby for the second time, moreover, nobody is secure from giving birth
to a baby with birth defects. 



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