Creating Healthy Boundaries in Stepfamilies

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To have a healthy and happy stepfamily you must know the importance of boundaries. Stepfamilies are difficult and many fail, often because the children don`t get along at all


To
have a healthy and happy stepfamily you must know the importance of boundaries.
Stepfamilies are difficult and many fail, often because the children don`t get
along at all. The children may not like a stepparent, or the parents own
individual ability to deal with these problems is impaired, one sided or simply
exhausted. All of these factors contribute to the toppling over of the stepfamily.

 

 

Here
are some examples of how to
ease this situation before it gets out of control. Remember that in
stepfamilies the kids become siblings,
not friends. Siblings want time away from their
siblings and don`t want to include them in everything. This is healthy for kids
to have their own friends, interests and boundaries. In stepfamilies, kids may
be forced together, because they are in the same proximity each week. One
parent may feel that their child, the one visiting, should be included in all
activities, and the child living in the house all week, may not want that
because they are trying to maintain their boundaries and space. Sometimes there
is a younger child of one parent, and the other children are older. They might
be forced to play with a 5 year old, when they are 12, or be forced to engage
in family activities they may not like. This resentment and unhappiness cause
the stepfamilies real problems.

 

 
Sometimes
parents may not see right away how the lack of healthy boundaries affects their
children. Here is how to set reasonable and effective boundaries.

 
1.  Make sure if a child is visiting a home where
children live all week that the visiting child has plans of fun things to do.
Don`t rely on children to take care of children. They will become resentful.

 

 
2. If children want to play together, just like
siblings, that`s fine, but allow time for them to be apart. Some children
really have many different interests and need that space. If for example, one
child who lives in the home has a plan,
let her do that plan alone unless she requests to bring the sibling. Otherwise
give her space, unless it is a family time. Set family time.

 

 
3. If one child is busy, don`t leave the other
child alone. Make a plan for them. They are coming to see
their parent, and would probably love to do something one on
one. You can share a book, bowling, a trip to the movies, mall, show, etca



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