Pregnancy with humor

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What does a woman feel? Can a man understand what does it mean - being pregnant?


What does a woman feel? Can a man understand what does it mean - being pregnant?

When a woman is pregnant, she becomes terribly capricious. She starts behaving
like a child: she`s whimpering and complaining that husband is inattentive to
her
.

She expresses strange whims, which should be definitely fulfilled very quickly
for some reason. She becomes self-absorbed and is always complaining of various
strange indispositions. It`s impossible to explain her that her condition is natural,
and millions of women gave birth for millions of times. You can understand what`s happening to your wife only with help of one method:
trying to put yourself in her shoes. Do offered exercises accurately, during all
that period your wife is expecting, and your loved one will stop being a mystery
for you. Good luck!

1-3 months

1. Every evening arrange yourself a poisoning - for example, drink whiskey with
beer without a snack overnight.
 
2. Next morning be up, drink soporific and go to work. If you feel very sick
- stay home, but please be good enough to do cleaning and cook a dinner.

3. Tie small bags with sand to your feet - 1,5 kg each.

4. Eat cotton cheese. If you do not want - just a bit.

5. Do not eat this, you cannot. This too. And this. Apple is better.

6. Stop smoking, are you crazy?

7. Lie down and eat another yogurt.

8. Wipe dry, if you vomited. Don`t call your wife - she`s busy.

9. Go to a hospital and pass a blood test for AIDS and syphilis.

10. Pass medical inspection at proctologist`s cabinet three times a month.

3-6 months

1. Tie a water mattress to your belly.

2. If you`re dressing yourself - don`t untie it, get on boots this way.

3. Sleep with this mattress too. How? On your side!

4. Don`t forget to drink sleeping-draught in the morning!

5. And before going to work - a liter of water!

6. Drink a liter of water and diuretic before going to bed.

7. Put cotton-wool in your nose - so that you could breathe, but with a slight
short wind. Don`t take out cotton-wool.

8. Is it hard to breathe? Ventilate a room more often, they say it helps.

9. Go to a hospital and pass a blood test. What for? For AIDS and syphilis! And
it`s a small matter that you`ve already done it!

10. Pass medical inspection at proctologist`s cabinet three times a month. Don`t
untie mattress.

6-9 months

1. Every morning sit down on a whirling chair and whirl during 10 minutes. When
your vestibular apparatus refuses co-operating with you finally - go up and prepare
to go to work. Ah, you`re rolling? Sorry, this will pass.

2. Pump mattress full.

3. Drink diuretic, and drink a glass of water every hour while you are on work.

4. Try not to leave your working place too often. Be sprightly and hard-working
during whole working day. If it`s too easy for you - increase your daily opiate
dose.

5. Increase also weight of bags with sand, which you tie to your feet: now they
shall be 2 kg each.

6. In the evening, not untying mattress, go to bed and be a stunning lover!

7. If it seems to you that your wife hooks up, be indulgent.

8. Pay more attention and time to your wife. Imagine - it`s also difficult for
her!

9. Go to a hospital and pass a blood test. What for? The same - AIDS and syphilis.

10. Pass medical inspection at proctologist`s cabinet three times a month. Of
course, with a mattress, what a question!

The end

We won`t play in childbirth, this is impossible anyway. Just visit your known proctologist for the 20th
time and allow him putting an orange in your a



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