How to deal with children anger

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Your baby is crying loudly, a 3 year old one clenches his fists, stamps his feet and cries hysterically, and an elder offspring rails and breaks everything he can - this way children give way to their negative emotions


Your
baby is crying loudly, a 3 year old one clenches his fists, stamps his
feet and cries hysterically, and an elder offspring rails and breaks
everything he can - this way children give way to their negative
emotions.
 
Should we criticize them severely for such behavior? You know, any
of us can be seized with negative emotions, it’s quite another matter,
that most of us can restrain our anger or express our feelings in more
acceptable forms for other people. So, a parental task is not to “wean
away” children from being angry, but teach them controlling their
feelings.
 
The strongest displays of anger are typical for small children.
You can easily hear anger and indignation in a desperate cry of a
newborn. The reason is simple - you refuse your baby in something,
don`t understand him, and this irritates him.
 
Of course, children are more vulnerable, than adults. It`s easy to
offend or trick them, so in most cases anger is provoked by insecurity,
helplessness, anxiety and offences of a child. Children express them
through cry, shout, stamping feet, breaking or throwing things.
 
Other people`s attitude to a way of anger expression also has
strong influence on it. There`s an affirmation, prevailing in our
society: “Don`t be angry or show that you`re angry!” Children
understand necessity of learning supressing their anger very early,
feeling guilty for their own anger. When a child watches displays of
anger on TV - crimes, wars, fights, he starts fearing it. Anger becomes
a monster, whom he needs to avoid and supress. 

A baby, who shows his anger actively and frequently, is considered
agressive, and his behavior is called asocial. But, what is
interesting, such behavior is born right from supressed feeling of
anger.

While growing up, children start “throwing off” negative emotional
energy, protesting with help of sarcasm or offending other people. It
happens, that supressed negative emotions are displayed in the form of
tic, bedwetting, stuttering. Both psychologists and parents know that
it can be very very difficult to get rid of these neurotic
reactions. 

It happens also, that a very quick-tempered child tries to control
himself in public, for example, at school, but at home he loses his
temper, going into hysterics, rowing, insulting close people, fights
with brothers and sisters. Such display of agression brings no
desirable relief to him. He`s unhappy with happened and feels even more
guilty. Tension doubles, and following break-down can be more
boisterous and long.

One of most frequent forms of anger and protest expression - is
hysterics. This is a way to obtain something from relatives, and a
result of accumulated tension, stress, excitement - break-down.
Movable, active, excitable and sensitive children are especially
subject to such break-downs.
 
In a fit of passion
 
Children hysterics - is a difficult ordeal for parental tolerance
and nerves. Almost all children have a period of hysterics sooner or
later. Some go into them in extremis, for others this event is regular.
 
It`s accepted to consider that frequent hysterics are a sign that
a child is spoiled. As a result, most parents try to treat a nervous
baby stricter: punish him for hysterics, but… This way they provoke
him for stronger and more frequent break-downs. Thus, they obtain
contrary result. 

Unfortunately, there`s no universal method to cope with hysterics. Best of all
is to avoid them at all.

To distract, not to persist, or if you have time, turn everything into a game,
a joke.
 
How? Try to avoid command tone while communcation with your baby,
for example, a child refuses to change a jacket put on the wrong side.
Tell him socially, with a smile: “Oh, why jacket turned away from us?
It`s so beautiful, it doesn`t want to see what`s happening around?
Let`s help it, obvert it!” 

Well, if you didn`t manage to avoid hysteric, then it`s better to
wait till it`s over. A child, who went into hysteric, sometimes firstly
doesn`t want, and then just cannot calm down, stop. If situation
allows, it`s better to leave your child “bawling” alone. This way he`ll
calm down quicker, and parents will save their nerves.

Sometimes adults provoke hysterics in children. Thus, elder
children, feeling lack of parental attention, being jealous of their
attention to a younger brother or sister, often go into hysterics. Such
hysteric is a some kind of protest, an attempt to come back into
childhood, an outcry.
 
Learning to control ourselves
 
While facing children anger, parents behave in different ways.
Some of them help children to realize their emotions and express them
structurally, others ignore anger , thirds blame a baby for such
feelings, fourths agree that children have right to be angry, lose
their temper, and show no reaction to these displays.
 
Researchers showed, that children, whose parents helped them to
cope with negative emotions, surpass their coevals in intellectual and
physical development. That`s why psychologists agree that adults should
allow their offspring to let off steam from time to time for his full
development. Children, who sense frequent fits of anger and cannot find
a right way out to this feeling, experience lots of troubles because of
their short-temper in adult life. They face difficulties while
communication with friends, keep their work, and their marriages often
break.
 
You should finally understand that learning controlling negative
emotions doesn`t mean you should not feel them at all! And these are
parents who should help children to lear coping with or redirecting
emotional reactions. In such case anger will become a driving force, a
way to overcome troubles or a remedy, allowing to stick up for oneself
and others.
 
Thus, parents should remember that a child has a right to express
his negative emotions. He just should do it not with help of scream or
cuffs, but words. You should explain your child that agressive behavior
will never him profit.
 
Try to teach a child speaking about his feelings, calling a
pikestaff a pikestaff: “I`m angry, I`m offended, I`m upset”. When
you`re angry, try to restrain your anger, but tell about your feelings
loudly and angrily, for example: “I`m shocked and offended”.
 
On no account call a child stupid, dull - he will behave the same
way with other children. The stronger is your agression, the more
animosity will arise in a child`s soul. Not having a possibility to
reply to his direct offenders - parents, a son or daughter will centre
out on a cat or beat a younger one.
 
Besides, you can and should offer socially accaptable methods of
expression of supressed anger to short-tempered, emotionally unstable
children.
 
Offer a child to stay alone in his room and tell loudly abouit his offences.
 
When it`s difficult for him to control himself, offer a child
beating a special pillow with hands and legs, tearing a newspaper,
crumpling paper, kicking a tin or ball, running around house, beating
bed with hands or writing all words he want to tell in anger on paper.
 
Deep breaths or counting to ten, before telling or doing
something, help to calm down. You also can listen to music, sing loudly
or cry to music.
 
You can offer your child to draw a feeling of anger. Agression often can be expressed
through creative work or games.
 
Children should know about possible after-effects of their actions
and how their actions can be treated by other people. Moreover, they
should always have a possibility to discuss moot points with parents
and explain them reasons of their actions - this contributes to
development of sense of responsibility for their behavior.
 
The last - it`s important that a little man would not have problems while communication.
 
Remember, hysteric - is first of all a child`s display of despair, who doesn`t
know how to cope with the situation.
 
In a  fit of anger a baby can understand, hear or change
nothing. You should postpone all further clarifications for the moment
of complete peace. 

Don`t sit with a child and wait till his hysteric is over. This way
many parents lose temper themselves and slap a crying child and start
crying too. You should not reprobate yourself for such break-downs, but
it`s better to leave a child immediately, wait till storm is over.
Isolation - is the best way of struggle with such events. You should
also isolate everybody, whom a small aggressor can offend in a fit of
passion (cat, younger brother).

Don`t punish son or daughter for hysterics, but don`t also fulfil
all his requirements only to avoid a scandal. Otherwise you will
provoke him to behave this way every time he needs something from you.
 
Sometimes it`s very useful to have your will. Thus, if you need to
go - go, collecting yourself, not turning to a heart-rending yell. Most
likely, a baby will calm down quickly.
 
If a child goes into hysterics only at your presence, and behaves
well with others, try to understand what relatives, friends do to avoid
this? May be, they just spend less time together, for example, father
is always busy. And you make your offspring dressing, cleaning and
doing other unpleasant things? In such case it would be good to entrust
most problematic situations of communication with a child to those, who
manage to calm him down.
 
It happens also that other people, whom a child doesn`t “try” his
hysterics on, just pay less attention to such child`s behavior. If a
child sees no spectators, he calms down quickly.
 

Anyway, you need strength of mind, benevolence and patience while communication
with your child.  



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