How to prepare your man for becoming a father

Pregnancy, childbirth, putting a baby to your breast – it’s enough to feel all this although once in your life, to understand how much the nature cared about transformation of a woman into mother. Well, how does fatherhood waken in a man? You know, a baby’s life depends both from mother and father.
The main is not to be late
Of course, there’re various fathers. Someone has been dreaming of a baby since wedding and is ready to meet him. Then it’s just enough to say: “You will be a father soon!” Another one will sense this feeling only after half a year, when, putting his palm to a round belly, he’ll assure that a new life is almost here! And for someone 9 months won’t be enough to open paternal feelings in himself. May be nature will also help a man who is going to become a father, like it does with a woman? Don’t despair, there’s such remedy, although little people knew about it till recent time.
It turns out, that first moments of a baby’s life influence not only mother, but also father very strong. It was discovered in one of USA maternity hospitals. In those cases, when Cesarean section was planned beforehand, husbands were invited to some certain time. And if father came in time, they asked him to hold a naked baby for 5-7 minutes, until sterile camera is ready. Those husbands, who were late, could only look at their babies through glass.
This experiment was repeated in 4 months – doctors visited all families in the evening, when both parents were at home. It turned out, that late fathers were like usual ones. But those who managed to hold their babies were rather unusual. They stayed with babies at home with pleasure, swaddled and bathed them, did massage and gymnastics, and when a baby was crying, they rushed to him quicker than mother. Obviously, during first moments of life a baby really can waken love in the person who touches him in some magic way!
Awaken love!
Childbirth is a serious exam for every family. And the matter is not in tiredness and sleepless nights. When a new family member appears, the former principle of coexistence is broken: “I do for you, and you do for me!” Quite often, when a husband sees how much time, forces and love a baby receives, he feels offended and deprived of attention. Former unity is somehow broken in 2 halves. On one half is a wife with a baby, on another – a husband, deprived of care. In such situation a slogan: “He (baby) took away everything from me!” becomes an apotheosis of a man’s resentment.
“Idyll”, childbirth, man’s resentment and failure of previous relationships – such development of events is met rather often. However, crisis of relationships doesn’t necessarily lead to a family break-up. Divorce “because of a baby” is possible, but this is not the only variant.
Variant # 1.  “A man keeps himself aloof”. I.e. he goes to search for a woman, who will love only him. Former wife stays with a baby, but without husband, a new one – with husband, but without children.
Variant # 2.  “Blackmail”. “Me or him!” – such attitude of a father to a baby means life with constant threat of break-up. A husband dooms his wife on a hard ordeal of her psychological fortitude. Think: is it hard to feel shame to a baby and fear to a husband almost all the time? Such duality cannot last always, and, as a rule, a woman makes her choice all the same. If she chooses a baby, then a husband keeps himself aloof (see variant #1), if she chooses a husband, then a baby is growing like an orphan with his parents, as he’s deprived of care and love.
Variant # 3.  “To the victory!” A woman decides to correct her husband, trying to awake a feeling of responsibility for a baby in him. Both success and failure will depend on a woman’s inner mood in many aspects and her attitude to the situation. If she comes to a problem only from mother’s position: “A baby needs a father, so, we’ll cultivate paternal feelings” – all attempts, most likely, will pass in vain. You know, a husband is already offended by lack of care and attention. On such background your requirements to pay attention to a baby will be given his hostile reception. But if you decide your priorities and understand that lack of a man’s love for a baby deprives only himself, then success will be more possible.
So, how to help a man to feel himself a father, if you assured that his love for a baby hasn’t awakened neither during pregnancy, no after childbirth?

Openly to yourself
It’s always better to start from yourself, like in any other matter. Try to analyze your own ideas about father’s role in a family.
- May be, you think yourself that diapers are rarely a woman’s matter?
- May be, you’re afraid of trusting a baby to “clumsy” man’s hands?
- May be, you’re really in raptures of your maternity so much, that you completely forgot about your husband?
- May be, you’re just revenging yourself upon your husband for some old offence, on a plausible pretext of your baby care?
- May be, in fact, you don’t expect support and help from your husband as usual, relying on your mother?
- May be, after coming home from maternity hospital, you didn’t care about including your husband in your new life?
- May be, you share your problems and worries with your friends more willingly, and your husband is out of work?
Understand yourself firstly, and only then you can try to change something in your family.
Important advices
1. Start from trust. You should trust a baby to your husband at once and unconditionally. “He holds him wrong, he bathes him wrong, he dresses him wrong” – if every attempt of closing in will pass under such watchful control, then you’ll hardly get something good.
2. Try to leave a father with a baby more often. Firstly, he’ll be able to relax – you know, many men are taught the way that they should hide their emotions. And secondly, when a father stays with his baby alone, he will feel his responsibility for a baby quicker.
3. Every mother understands the reasons of her baby’s crying excellently. And a crying baby can just intimidate an unprepared father, who is not aware of all the nuances of a baby’s crying. However, take your time. Men are frightened with their own helplessness. But when he overcomes the first fear, very soon he’ll become quite a competent father. And it’s quite possible, that he’ll even surpass all mothers and grand-mothers all together in something.
4. Finally, another small, but very important advice for mothers. Teach your baby saying the word “daddy”. And let this first word become the dearest and most unforgettable gift, which every real man can be proud of by right.


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