Problems of model of “partner relationships” during conception and child-bearing. A woman`s conflict between consciousness and unconsciousness.

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If we decide to carry out a public opinion poll among people of married and pre-married ages, asking about their ideal model of family relations, the result will be predictable. A modern ideal of relations between husband and wife are partner relations, equal relations, when no one has clear leadership. The equality should be both in making decisions and financial questions. And, naturally, a majority of women strive to build relations according to this “actual” model.


PregnantIf we decide to carry out a public opinion poll among people of married and pre-married
ages, asking about their ideal model of family relations, the result will be predictable.
A modern ideal of relations between husband and wife are partner relations, equal
relations, when no one has clear leadership. The equality should be both in making
decisions and financial questions. And, naturally, a majority of women strive
to build relations according to this “actual” model.

But. If a family begins to make a decision about having a baby, a woman often
turns to be in rather unexpected and unwanted situation. A situation of temporary
incapacity. This means a mother-to-be or nursing mother will have to stay at home,
depending both materially and mentally from her husband.

This is one of the first problems we face yet before conception. A woman`s unwillingness
to become dependent often treats as a straight refusal to have a baby, reasoned
by “unreadyness” and many other reasons, and as an unconscious “unwillingness”,
expressed in a woman`s inability to get pregnant. It often happens that after
long years of a woman`s unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant from her husband,
she leaves to another man and becomes pregnant from him almost at once.

Let`s try to choose the reasons, according to which a woman refuses from pregnancy
unconsciously:

1. A woman`s distrust to her man. She has no confidence that this man is able to
give her real support.

2. Unwillingness to lose leader positions. Often a phrase “partner relations” is
used to protect a man`s self-esteem, while a woman is a real leader in a family.

3. Lack of motivation. A woman`s biological instinct is not so strong, and she
cannot want a “baby for the sake of a baby”, and at the same time, her feelings
towards this man are not strong enough to give birth to a baby for him and sacrifice
years of her life and carrier for this purpose.

In such situation, psychological work can find the reasons of a woman`s barrenness
and help her to cope with ” uneffective ” aims. The most simple and effective
method is to offer a woman to give a formal leadership in their couple to a man,
playing the future situation beforehand, - this is a so-called practice of ” submission”.
In case, when barrenness is caused by psychological reasons, such practice helps
although to bring a reason of barrenness to a conscious level.

Problems with child-bearing often can have similar psychological sources. According
to psycho-emotional tests, pregnant woman is on one level with a 3 y.o. child.
Such a ” childishness” often makes woman projecting an image of a “mother” on
her husband and expect an appropriate model of behavior from him.

Here there`re 2 possible complications in the development of couple relations
and child-bearing.

1. A woman tries hard to hide this childishness inside of her, subjects to repression
her increased emotionality and touchiness, trying also to remain an equal capable
partner as before. Often such strategy leads to a chronic stress, and, as a result,
- chronic tone and threat of miscarriage.

2. A woman enters her second childhood and begins requiring a “maternal” care from
a father of her child, who cannot accept justice of such requirements. A couple
got married according to a model of “partner relations”, and a father-to-be cannot
understand the reasons of such a sudden change of the plot, these changes are
often treated as “stupid whims of a pregnant woman, which shouldn`t be indulged,
otherwise, she`ll keep on doing this way all the time”. As a result, here come
conflicts, stresses and, again, a probable threat of miscarriage.

The decision of both situations is clear and comes from the wording of the problem.
A psychologist helps a couple to realize an ineffectiveness of a model of partner
relationships during pregnancy, and that it will be better to give leadership
to a father during pregnancy for future baby`s and mother`s health. As for father,
often it`s necessary to explain him that his emotional support and care are even
more necessary for a woman, than material participation.

Author: Tyutina Irina

Translation into English: Baby-Health.net



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