What was the date of the first day of your last menstrual period?
Learn everything about pregnancy and parenting, find answers to questions about health problems,
talk about anything on our forum at the cup of tea and create your own blog. Join our community
and start reading new useful information.
Your First baby!
You gave birth to a baby. This is your first-born. You are happy and ready to do your best for him, reasoning from the latest modern
scientific information. However, you have little experience, and sometimes it
seems to you that you wonít cope with baby-minding.
Young mother with her first-born, as a rule, faces a lot of psychological troubles and problems. Letís dwell
on some of them, most often.
Most of mothers feel tenderness to their future babies before their birth yet,
even if pregnancy was not too desirable. However, thereíre mothers who donít feel
any maternal love during this period (more often while pregnancy is complicated).
They expect that right after childbirth they will at last feel an access of tenderness
to a baby, while recognizing a dear only one in him. But, as a rule, this happens
neither on the first day, nor even during the first week. Love for a baby develops
little by little, as mother takes care of him and knows him better after coming
back home and staying alone with her baby.
Many mothers often give way to despair after giving birth to a child. This is quite typical mood, especially with first-born. Young mothers complain
that they even become disheartened because of the new troubles. Most of all, such
depression appears while coming back home from maternity hospital, where qualified
personnel took care of a baby, and now a woman has to face with care of a baby,
looking after the house and husband. The matter is not even in the volume of work,
although itís very huge, but in an absolutely new psychological responsibility
for a babyís health and well-being, to which striving to keep house in a good
way and give husband enough care adds. Many women are depressed right because
of this new responsibility. Especially often this happens with young mothers who
suffered complicated delivery and are weak after it. That is why during first
several weeks after delivery you should take any help you are offered. This should
be a person whom you can trust. Your mother can be an ideal support for you, if
youíre in good relations and understand each other, and she doesnít suppress your
initiative or order about you.
Another psychological problem is that during first several weeks after childbirth
many women become too anxious about their babies. It seems to them that they do
something in a wrong way, their baby cries too much and sucks weakly, that heís
ill. They become upset because of any little spot on his skin, a baby needs only
to sneeze Ė and a mother thinks he caught cold. Such mothers often steal to a
babyís cot, so that to listen whether heís breathing. Motherís excessive anxiety
about her new-born is, probably, an important biological program, prepared by
the nature itself. This program makes even the most careless and thoughtless mothers
discharge their obligations carefully and seriously. Of course, responsible and
careful mothers happy with their maternity need such anxiety least of all. But,
after all, this stressed period is over, and a mother becomes calmer and more
confident. The first weeks of babyís life can be really a hard time: he adapts
to new living conditions, and you gain maternal experience, learn to understand
your baby and take care of him. A baby of 3 months old is a much calmer and life-loving
creature, able to reward you for all your recent anxieties with a smile to you,
joy and pleasure of your attention.
A problem of choice is also prevalent. Young mother doesnít know what to choose
after reading a pile of books on baby-minding and finding there lots of discrepant
advices. Voluntary advisers increase the situation, hurrying up to share their
and other peopleís experience of up-bringing: the way to feed, whether to give
a dummy, which toys to buy, how to react on crying etc.
Believe, you shouldnít take on trust everything your relatives and friends advice
you. Donít be afraid to confide in your common sense. Donít complicate your childís
up-bringing knowingly. Trust your intuition and observe doctorís advices.
Remember, the main things your baby needs Ė is your love and care.† These things are much more valuable for him, than all theoretical information
taken together. Any time you take your baby in hands (may be not so skillfully
and confidently in the beginning), feed him, bathe him, swaddle, talk to him tenderly,
smile to him, a baby feels your care and tenderness, feel heís necessary and loved.
And this is the main thing he biologically needs for his human, social-cultural
Sometimes mothers treat maternity too seriously and see only responsibilities
in it. However, this is absolutely incomparable joy. Your baby grows up. Try to
find pleasure while everyday communication with him, observing the changes happening
with him, seeing his possibilities, abilities and skills growing.†
However, you shouldnít refuse from your freedom and all the pleasures only because
you have a little baby now. Of course, during first weeks after his birth everything
is so novel for you, that you just cannot think of anything else. But too much
self-sacrifice is not useful. It wonít bring use both for you and your baby. If
parents are too busy only with their child, talk and worry constantly only of
him, they can become uninteresting for other people and each other. Very soon
they will complain that they see nothing except the four walls of their house,
and probably, will feel dislike to their baby, although they should blame only
themselves. Itís necessary to discharge your parental obligations carefully, but
you shouldnít deprive yourself of pleasures that wonít bring harm to your baby.
From time to time you should go to the cinema or your friendsí place, leaving
baby with grandmother or other person, well-known to a baby.
Relations with kin can sometimes grow into a problem too. Grandmothers and grandfathers can give you a good support. Moreover, they usually
get a lot of pleasure from their grandchildren. Many grandmothers say they understood
the miracle of a little baby only while communication with their grandchildren.
When they were growing their own children, there were so much troubles and fuss,
that they hardly could feel the joy of communication with their babies.
If a young woman feels trust to her mother, then usually she relies on her experience
completely (especially in the beginning). However, many young mothers think that
grandmotherís methods of up-bringing became old-fashioned and more modern methods
are necessary. Often young parents want to prove they can cope with any troubles
by themselves, or they are afraid to become dependent on their parents. However
that may be, grandparentsí help is just necessary for you, although in the beginning.
Thatís why an open discussion is always better, than hidden discontent. Grandmother
should adjust to motherís methods of baby-minding as much as possible, then young
mother will also observe grandmotherís advices when itís necessary. Grandparents
should remember that parents are completely responsible of their child, so only
parents can decide how to up bring him.
Letís dwell on fatherís role separately. Husbandís reaction on wifeís pregnancy can be different. From the one hand,
heís proud of his future fatherís role, from the other hand - deep in his soul
he can feel himself unnecessary. In life, this sense of vainness can often reveal
in excessive irritability, striving to spend time among friends, out of door,
and even in flirting with other women. Wife, who especially needs her husbandís
support during this hard time, doesnít have it.
Then, after coming back home from maternity house, young woman, naturally, is
more worried about her new-born in the beginning. A baby becomes a centre of her
interests, and husband turns to be on the second place. During this period of
family life a man, especially if heís ambitious and egoistic, is disposed to zero
on himself, may feel himself unnecessary and not wanted. But young father should
always remember that his wife is in more difficult situation, as she has to cope
with all troubles and anxieties about a baby and feels huge nervous and physical
stress. Right in this time wife needs help, moral support and love of her husband.
While helping his wife keeping the house and baby-minding, young father will feel
himself necessary, family relations will become stronger, and wife will appreciate
his care and participation.
Thereíre men who are sure that baby-minding is not a manís business. Of course,
this is a wrong idea. Scientific facts show that mental intimacy, mutual understanding
and friendly relations between father and children are easier developed in the
families, where father begins to take part in baby-minding since babyís early
days of life.
If you use any article from our site, please include the link below:
<a href="http://www.baby-health.net">Baby-Health.net</a> - Pregnancy, Birth, Parenting and Baby Care articles.
You may reprint this article in its entirety so long as you do not remove the article source or the authors links.